Sunday, December 25, 2005

Sometimes I Think I Really Am Growing Up!

Today for Christmas I received (among other things) the following items:

1) An apron

2) A cook book

3) My very own (pink) frying pan

Apparently someone (ahem, g.mango) has been rubbing off on me.

Also, for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that the absolute highlight of my day was hanging out with my family. Parents, siblings, steplings and all. That makes me happy.

Merry Christmas, all!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Sometimes It's Just Too Much

I've never disliked a job in childcare before. This one I can't stand.

It's not the kids. They're as cute as any I've ever worked with. It's the organization. I won't bore you with the details, but I've never worked in such chaos. I was never trained, there's nowhere for our kids to run around, licensing rules make keeping the kids occupied impossible, five year olds can not handle a nine hour day. . .the list goes on. Trust me, it'll be a white Christmas in Victoria before I ever work for these guys again.

To top it all off, I've gone through all this for them, and I find out today that due to low enrollment, I'm only working one day next week. One day!!! I never even knew such a development was possible!! Aren't they supposed to tell you that beforehand? If you're hired for nine days of work, aren't you supposed to get nine days of work? Part of me is glad for the break, but the other part of me is poor. So much for paying for school next semester.

I can't stand this job.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

Ya gotta love working with five and six year olds. Here are some of the things I heard today, during my eight and a half hour stint with the kids:

In the changeroom at the pool:
-(while staring at 200 identical lockers) "which one did I put my stuff in?"
-"I can't find my pants!"

On the bus:
-"Something's wrong! I can't feel my bum!"
-"We just passed my house! Did you see it?" (two minutes later) "Hey, we passed my house again!" (two minutes later) "No, that one's my house. Maybe the other one was my granny's house."

All day long:
-"Shelby and Devin, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-I-S-N-G!" (sic)

Maybe we should introduce spelling time instead of craft time.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Sometimes I Need to Sleep

Why was I celebrating about getting this job? One day down, nine to go, and I'm already barely able to stay up past 9:30. Tomorrow I work from 8:30-8:30. I'm going to die.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Sometimes I Like Tradition Too Much

This morning I partook in one of my favourite church traditions: Sundae Sunday.

Every year, on the last Sunday before Christmas, my church substitutes Sunday School for ice cream sundaes and fellowship in the gym. This year, I arrived at church an hour early just to enjoy the festivities. I get so excited about this every year! Kinda silly when you consider that I don't even really like ice cream sundaes anymore.

But tradition is tradition, so eat the ice cream I did, regardless of the fact that none of my friends even showed up to share my joy. Funny how tradition can make the mundane wonderful.

Some other traditions I expect to enjoy this year:
- playing Mary to Greg's Joseph on Christmas Eve.
- trying to keep my mom from stressing about the Christmas Eve play
- stuffing stockings into the wee hours of the morning on Christmas Eve, having spent the entire day preparing for the play.
- cornbread stuffing
- being awoken by my mother "making coffee" (read: dropping pots and slamming cupboards so we'll all wake up and she won't have to admit to being too excited to wait until later for her stocking)
- cornbread stuffing
- opening my stocking in record time, regardless of how much effort I put into not being the first one done
- being ridiculed by the step-lings for giving and receiving books as presents
- cornbread stuffing
- fishing boiled coins out of my figgy pudding while ignoring the presence of the actual dessert
- cornbread stuffing
- and of course, leftovers. . .of cornbread stuffing

Oh, tradition is grand!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Sometimes I Can't Stop Thinking About Her

I had a dream about Britt the other night. I hate those dreams. Every time I'm so excited to see her, I've missed her so much. Then I remember it can't be her, and she turns into someone else. Every time I wake up in tears.

I really hope this doesn't last forever. I miss her so much.

I can't wait to get to heaven and see her again.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Monday, December 12, 2005

Sometimes There Are No Words

So, I returned home from the vdot this weekend to an already decorated house. Though sad to have missed the festivities, I was excited about the smells of Christmas Tree permeating the entire residence. I was also shocked to find this:

Yes, that is what you think it is. How could I forget:

Apparently our toilet enjoys masquerading as Santa during the holiday season.

My sister's boyfriend won't pee at our house anymore.

Sometimes I Need to Relax My Diaphragm

I have the hiccups.

And they're not the strong, silent type either. Oh no, these ones like to make themselves known.

I'm just glad that I didn't have them during my exam this morning, as we're talking about the professor who will give you an automatic zero if you:

a) write with a black pen instead of a blue one
b) use a fine-tipped pen
c) deviate from the subject matter AT ALL
d) put any personal information in your essay
e) write too little
f) write too much
g) eat cereal for breakfast instead of toast
h) wear socks with more than two colours on them
i) (I can only assume) - hiccup.

On a more positive note, I did not commit any of the above atrocities, and I think I kicked butt on that exam. And got my French marks back and I'm fairly happy. AND I passed my criminal record check! Life is good.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Sometimes I'm a Genius!

This just in: Kailyn and I are geniuses!!!

We have just devised a theory proving that it is necessary to procrastinate in order to graduate from University.

However, I don't feel like explaining it right now.

Ask me about it later.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sometimes it's all about the little things.

Today was a good day. Here's why:

1) it's snowing

2) I bought a pair of pants today in the smallest size I've bought since....ever

3) my job interview went really well

4) my haircut included a fabulous head massage

Sometimes the little things make the biggest difference in a day.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Sometimes I Just Can't See It.

I've had enough of this world.

Now don't get scared, I'm not hinting at suicide or anything like it, I'm just simply sick of the pain. Not even my own pain. It's just, so many people are depressed, abused, suicidal, angry, alone. . .the list goes on, and that's just covering my close friends.

And what do I do with it all? I know I can't fix anything, but I long to be able to provide some sort of relief. Some sort of comfort. Where is this hope that's supposed to exist? How do I find it, and how do I help my hurting friends feel it? Where is Jesus in all of this? How do I cast these burdens on Him instead of carrying them for myself? I want to save the world but I know that's not my job.

I know the hope exists. I've caught glimpses of it, heard of its healing powers, but sometimes. . .sometimes I just can't see it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Sometimes I Get So Overwhelmed

I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now. It's about homelessness in Victoria, and the retarded "solutions" our government has put in place thus far. I'm very passionate about this subject, and could probably rant for hours on what I've learned and how that makes me feel. The problem comes in trying to sum it all up in a concise 1500 words. I think I could write ten pages faster than five. Sometimes I'm completely paralyzed by my own thoughts and emotions.

That's what life's been like lately. An onslaught of unexpected thoughts and emotions left over from the chaos of the past year have been attacking me at the strangest times. Flashes of fear, joy, sadness and confusion continue to accost me as I go through my mundane life. Sometimes all I can do is pray. Two words now, a glance heavenward then. I don't know if it makes a difference, but it's all I can do.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Sometimes I need to be more impulsive.

I need to be more impulsive.

Today I was sitting in my room watching tv and I thought, "I should re-arrange the furniture". So I did. I got up and proceeded to shuffle piles and piles of mess around the room, put all sorts of dents in the wall and break a sweat trying to manoeuvre large furniture around an itty bitty space. It's kind of a nice change. . .I can't wait to see what it looks like once I clean up all the junk!

Now if only I can become more impulsive with some more interesting things. Ah well, one step at a time.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Sometimes procrastination pays.

Procrastination pays. Big time. Let me tell you how I know.

So, a few weeks ago I missed a Philosophy midterm, but had permission from my prof to write it at another time. She gave me instructions on how the process worked and I was supposed to get things organized. She didn't, however, give me a date by which I must write it.

So I put it off. For quite a while. When I finally got around to making an appointment at the testing centre, things got complicated. After a lot of running around on my part, and cancelled classes and forgetfulness on the part of my prof, she finally gave up and told me I didn't have to write it at all. She'll just give me the average of my other tests. Seeing as I got a 95 on my first midterm, and I didn't know any of the material for this midterm (skip classes? who, me??), I figure this is conclusive proof that procrastination pays.

Take that, Jordan!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Sometimes I'm wrong.

I'm wrong. I shouldn't quit school and work all the time. And sometimes I should complain about work. Tonight, for instance, I almost died. Literally.

Holy Occupational Hazard, Batman!!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Sometimes I shouldn't complain about work.

I shouldn't complain about work. Especially on the nights where "work" entails first playing about five hundred rounds of ping pong and later putting together a Spiderman puzzle under the direction of a six-year-old boy who wants to marry me.

I mean really, could I honestly think of much I'd rather be doing? Who else gets to get paid for playing a version of "chess" that involves pieces flying all around the room to the sound of lots and lots of giggling? It's much more enjoyable than sitting at home trying to think up excuses not to do my homework.

Really, I should just quit school and work all the time.

Sometimes I am an idiot.

I am an idiot. A technologically challenged idiot. And apparently this fact produces rather amusing results.

Last night, after waking up from a deep sleep to talk to a good friend (and nearly falling back asleep whilst talking to her) I attempted to send a quick (and perhaps slightly incriminating) email before going back to bed. I typed up a little message, put in the first couple of letters of her name on the "to:" line, and gmail did the rest for me. Oh gmail, wonderful gmail, how I love your quick and easy methods of addressing emails.

Unfortunately, in my half-awakeness, I failed to pay attention to the name that showed up at the top of the screen until just after I clicked on "send". Suddenly I realised that the person to whom I'd sent it was not the friend I wanted to email, but someone else with a similar name. And not just anyone else, but the administrator at my old work! I tried in vain to stop the email from sending (ie. yelled "stop! stop!" and bounced up and down a little) but send it did. But don't worry, I wasn't embarrassed. Mortified, maybe, but not embarrassed. Thankfully, it turns out she found the whole thing rather funny. . .I'm just hoping she didn't broadcast it to everyone at the office. Sigh. . .

In other news . . .


I'm working every evening this week. Tonight I'm working twice. And I have a large assignment due tomorrow that I've barely started. At least I'll be rich by the end of this week! Well. . .less poor anyway. Oh the life of a student.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sometimes I'm not so bitter.

I'm not so bitter today. Really, the bitterness comes and goes and is usually well provoked. But today, I'm not so bitter.

Why, you ask?

I've just had a ridiculously busy and exhausting, but still incredibly enjoyable weekend in the vdot (which, I've realized, is just as much my home as the wonderful undot is). I never thought I'd admit it, but I like Vancouver.

No you don't. Surely, not the evil Vancouver!

You're right. I don't like Vancouver, I like East Vancouver. I like my neighborhood. I like the people that live there. There's not the slightest chance I'd ever live anywhere else in the city, but I'm beginning to wonder if I could actually do the UrbanPromise thing long-term. Shh, don't let the UP staff know, or I'll find out that stating the possibility on my blog is the same as signing a binding contract committing myself to a lifetime of service.

Since when is UrbanPromise on the list of long-term plans?


Since this weekend. Besides the executive director's eloquent, enticing and effective exhortation of the efficacy of UrbanPromise at this fall's fabulous fancy fundraiser (who loves thesarus.com?), something in the sermon at church today made me wonder if that's where I'm heading. Not so much a lifetime of service, but maybe a few years in the vdot wouldn't kill me. Sure does scare the crap out of me, though. But according to the aforementioned sermon, that might be ok.

At any rate, I'm not so bitter today as I was during the creation of the previous two posts. Heck, I'm even thinking of the future with some sort of hopeful expectancy. What more could a person want?

Monday, October 31, 2005

Sometimes I Hate School

I hate school. Today, I really hate school. And I would do anything to avoid it, but there it is. Threatening me, reminding me that if I miss another day of my French class I may as well drop it. Maybe that's what I'll do. Just drop it and take some internet course for those credits.

After all, what's the point? I feel like I'm back in high school. The courses I'm taking are so useless and the people I'm taking them with are painfully juvenile. Not that I'm so grown up myself, but sometimes I get tired of listening to endless stories of drinking binges and parties. Isn't there ever anything else for them to talk about?

Ok, the bitterness train needs to be stopped and that needs to happen right now. Besides, it's time for me to go to school. Seriously, five more years of this? Good thing I hate school.

Sometimes I Just Don't Know

The following is a short and in no way exhaustive list of things I just do not know.

I just don't know what insanity drove me to create this blog today. It's 2 in the morning. And I still have assignments to finish for class tomorrow morning.

Nevertheless, tonight it has finally happened. After months of secretly admiring those whose blogs are read by strangers, knowing all along that I could never be one of them, I have finally caved. I have succumbed to the desire to publish. To put my thoughts out there for all to see, many to ignore, and a few to challenge. To become another of those mediocre bloggers whose posts no one really wants to read, and whose comment boxes fill up only out of pity.

Why tonight? Maybe it has something to do with all of what's boiling up inside of me, threatening to escape through means that are in no way appropriate. Why is it that when I most need someone to talk to, no one is around? I just don't know.

Which brings me to the next item:

I just don't know how to deal with things. What do you do when you're overwhelmed? Fear, frustration, pain, loneliness, confusion. . . they mean nothing to me tonight. I am numb. Even prayer seems useless to me today. I no longer know where to turn. Maybe I never knew in the first place. I just don't know.

And a third, to round things off. Because everyone knows that odd numbers are more aesthetically pleasing.

I just don't know why anyone would feel the need to read this. Maybe that's not the point. I just don't know.