Sometimes the people I love are too far away.

Tonight I said goodbye to my best friend.

But just for the summer, thankfully.

My EJ is heading to Bolivia for three and a half months and though I'm happy she's getting to go back again, I will miss her so.

It's funny to think that the last time she left for Bolivia I cried as I watched her fly away, knowing that one part of my life had changed forever. Two days later I left for Kaleo. Now, two and a half years later there is still sadness, but it's a different sadness. I know the time will fly by and the two of us will be back together and as tight as ever in no time.

Much has changed in the last couple of years, but my EJ is still a beautiful, wonderful human being, and I still love her with all my heart.

Sometimes my weekend is not so restful.

I spent this weekend at Sylvan Acres with my Jr Youth group. I had a grand time...for most of the weekend. As long as I had my patience on, I was ok. And I must say that I have the most entertaining youth group EVER!

The one problem was this: apparently my kids didn't get the memo that they're supposed to fall asleep on the bus on the way back. Instead, we sang "200 bottles of beer on the wall" from Cowichan Lake to Duncan, "This is the song that never ends" from Duncan to Cobble Hill, and played One Minute Speeches the rest of the way. Also I'm wondering if I should have taught them the game Moooo (whenever you drive by a field of cows you open the window and yell "Mooo" as loud as you can. You get one point for every cow that looks at you). Thankfully we had a patient bus driver who didn't mind all the craziness.

So now that my kids have had their vacation, I'm off to Vancouver for a week before my spring classes start. I'm so excited to see my UP kids. Hoorah for Vancouver!

Sometimes I Just Know

Today was my first real teaching experience.

I loved it.

Love love love love love.

I just know this is what I want to do with my life. I can't wait to really get started.

Sometimes the Steplings Make Me Laugh.

this: Today was the most beautiful day ever! I'm so glad spring has finally arrived. To celebrate, Lizzy and I bought ice cream cones and went to Arbutus Cove to fly kites. I forgot how much I love Arbutus Cove. Also, I went in the ocean for the first time this year!!! That made me more happy than I can even explain. Then, once we realized there was no wind at Arbutus Cove, we headed down to Clover Point. There we ran into my grandpa and his wife, learned that we don't really know how to fly a kite, and bought 25 cent lemonade from some little boys along Dallas Rd.

that: After the kite-flying adventures had come to a close and I had returned Lizzy to her seemingly interminable state of studying, I headed over to my dad's house for Sunday night dinner. Tonight it was just me and the steplings (and Nikko, the step-foster-nephew), as both my brother and sister are MIA at the moment. I wish I had the words to explain my steplings to you, but they are definitely a phenomenon that must be experienced in order to be believed. But at least they're amusing. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of reality-show-gone-wrong when I eat dinner with them. Tonight our greatest source of entertainment was a conversation between Jamie and Daniel about Jamie's current job responsibilities: namely, making dough. The rest of us laughed until we cried while the two of them nearly got themselves into a fistfight over some hilarious miscommunication. Who needs entertainment when there's family around anyway?

the other thing: When I got home from dinner my mom fed me strawberries and sugar. Today was a good day.

Sometimes it Calls to Me.

Tonight I took Aly and Lidia to Special Olympics soccer. All I wanted to do the whole time was run out on the field and start playing with them, but I wasn't sure they'd appreciate that. Especially given my propensity for slightly excessive agression on the soccer field.

You know that feeling when you are horrifically, unbearably, painfully lonely and you physically ache for human touch?

If not, I envy you.

Anyway, that's me with soccer lately. Except now I'm just horrifically out of shape and aching for soccer.

I am definitely planning on rearranging my entire life next year around being on a soccer team.

Also, I am infinitely thankful to the doctors who made it possible for me to play soccer. And walk. But especially play soccer. It's funny to think sometimes that if I had been born somewhere else in the world I would never have had the privilege to walk. Huh.

And this has been random soccer-related thoughts with Julie Anna. Tune in next time to hear Julie Anna ramble about bucketball.

Sometimes it Just Fits.

Today is Holy Saturday.

I always used to think of this day as a pause in the Easter story, when all the disciples had their sabbath, did their regular sabbath things and forgot about the fact that Jesus had just died. In my own self-centred world, I sort of subconsciously assumed that they knew (as I have always known) that the darkness was temporary, and that much greater things were coming.

Today I saw Holy Saturday for what it is.

Darkness, confusion, pain, grief, frustration, loneliness. Just imagine what this must have really been like for the followers of Jesus. You have left behind your entire life to follow this man because you know that He is Truth. You devote your life to Him and his teachings, radically rearranging not only your way of life, but your whole way of thinking, of being.

Then suddenly, everything you ever thought you knew crumbles. You find yourself wondering if you were wrong. If you had thrown away years of your life for a lie. You are ashamed at how quickly you turned from what once had been your sole reason for living. You feel betrayed. You feel confused. You are overcome with anguish. You can't even imagine life going on this way.

And yet somehow, there is this irrational belief, deep in the core of your being, that you are not wrong. That Truth is still Truth, no matter how little sense it makes. That Truth is still Truth no matter how much you're hurting. But the pain still blinds you. Still makes it impossible for you to act on your beliefs. You remain lost, and you don't know how to find your way out of this place of fear, loss, confusion and mourning. This place of darkness.

All my life I have struggled to really understand the Holy Days. "This year," I tell myself, "I will meditate on the resurrection of Christ and really feel the joy that I'm supposed to feel, at just the right moment." It has always been a point of contention between my mind and my heart that I could never create these feelings.

Today I felt Holy Saturday. Because it fit. I have been living in Holy Saturday for the last couple of years. Tonight, as my brothers and sisters in Christ shared this day of darkness with me, I felt so blessed. Tonight I felt a peace like I have not felt in a very long time. Not because the darkness is lifting, but because now I know that it's ok to be in darkness.

The light will come again.

Sometimes I Hate the Wind

So there you are waiting for the bus, looking like Cousin It because the wind is blowing in the wrong direction. Eventually you give up, and turn around to face the breeze, revelling in the freedom of being able to see and breathe.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a formidable gust of wind aims itself directly at the back of your head. It's power and precision ensure that every last hair attached to your scalp now resides inside your mouth, or maybe stuck to one of your eyeballs.

And you sigh and curse late busses and new haircuts.

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However, on a slightly more fortuitous note, we made kites in math class today. Maybe Aly and I will fly mine tonight. Of course, by then I'm sure the wind will have stopped.

Sometimes I Don't Even Know My Best Friend!

This just in: EJ has a blog! And she didn't even tell me for so long!

I can't believe I was so out of the loop. Yeesh.

Sometimes I'm a Winner!

Tonight I actually won a free coffee with Roll up the Rim!

And it couldn't have been any more exciting, even if I actually drank coffee!

Though I must say it's about freaking time.

Also, I'm slightly concerned about how often Tim Hortons has come up in my posts as of late.

I don't really go there all that often, do I?

Things that make you go "hmm"

Sometimes I Get Too Bored

I spent most of the day in bed today. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Then, around 9pm I got so bored I resorted to the unthinkable: studying.

I threw on some sweats and stuck my greasy hair into a spiky ponytail (this new haircut is so not conducive to ponytails) and headed off to Tim Hortons to learn about augmented matrices and Canadian history. I wasn't so worried about my appearance, because really, who's going to see me?

You want to know who? Let me tell you.

• Marsha, from choir. She was also in pyjamas, so I didn't feel so bad.
• Jill, who used to go to my church. (I think she's actually at the other campus of my school, but she might be at UVic...I'm not sure)
• Tamzin, whom I haven't seen since Jr High.
  
• Rebecca, from my French class who I'm trying to be friends with.

Seriously.

And they didn't even have any chocolate danishes.

Sometimes I Wish I Was Six.

Which is probably why I like babysitting so much, despite the fact that I'm supposed to be "too old" for it.

Tonight I got to play some sort of whacked-out chess game where Furby was a rook, a bionicle was a knight, and some sort of headless crocodile (alligator?) was a pawn. Though Graeme's actually starting to learn the rules of the game (read: almost understands how a pawn can move), which is fun. And I somehow succeeded in producing check-mate, which I've never done in my life! And please don't ruin my fun by reminding me a) that it was a fluke or b) that I was playing against a six-year-old.

After all the chess-related fun, we practiced counting money (what, teach? who, me?) and then watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire from the tent in the living room. I was quite surprised that Graeme didn't get scared at all, but that's probably because he didn't quite understand what was going on. Every time someone died he just said "Oooohhhh...he was petrified!"

Unfortunately, poor Chantelle is so sick that she spent most of the night in bed and couldn't join in on all the fun. She did watch a bit of Harry Potter with us, though, the fanatic that she is.

So yeah, all that to say that I like kids. Maybe that's what I should be when I grow up. A kid. Do you need to go to school for that? Hmmm...

Sometimes I Love Math

I especially love the math class I am taking right now. I built an icosahedron today. It looked like this:

Only mine was purple and blue. It makes me happy. It also makes other school-goers jealous. That's right, I'm getting credit for this. Take that!

I can't wait to be an elementary school teacher.

Sometimes I'm Too Curious

So here goes. Roll your eyes as you must, but I'd like to know what you think.

Click here, please!

I saw this on g.mango's friend ~m's blog and I've been curious ever since.

Sometimes I Love Health Food.

Tonight's snack:

1 bottle of coke
1 chocolate danish from Timmy's

Tasty, filling, AND covers two major food groups:

1) coke product
2) chocolate

What more could you want in an evening snack?

Sometimes I Wonder. . .

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. . .apparently.

So I guess my question is: where is the Spirit of the Lord these days?

Because I need some of His freedom. Desperately.