I hate school. Today, I really hate school. And I would do anything to avoid it, but there it is. Threatening me, reminding me that if I miss another day of my French class I may as well drop it. Maybe that's what I'll do. Just drop it and take some internet course for those credits.
After all, what's the point? I feel like I'm back in high school. The courses I'm taking are so useless and the people I'm taking them with are painfully juvenile. Not that I'm so grown up myself, but sometimes I get tired of listening to endless stories of drinking binges and parties. Isn't there ever anything else for them to talk about?
Ok, the bitterness train needs to be stopped and that needs to happen right now. Besides, it's time for me to go to school. Seriously, five more years of this? Good thing I hate school.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Sometimes I Just Don't Know
The following is a short and in no way exhaustive list of things I just do not know.
I just don't know what insanity drove me to create this blog today. It's 2 in the morning. And I still have assignments to finish for class tomorrow morning.
Nevertheless, tonight it has finally happened. After months of secretly admiring those whose blogs are read by strangers, knowing all along that I could never be one of them, I have finally caved. I have succumbed to the desire to publish. To put my thoughts out there for all to see, many to ignore, and a few to challenge. To become another of those mediocre bloggers whose posts no one really wants to read, and whose comment boxes fill up only out of pity.
Why tonight? Maybe it has something to do with all of what's boiling up inside of me, threatening to escape through means that are in no way appropriate. Why is it that when I most need someone to talk to, no one is around? I just don't know.
Which brings me to the next item:
I just don't know how to deal with things. What do you do when you're overwhelmed? Fear, frustration, pain, loneliness, confusion. . . they mean nothing to me tonight. I am numb. Even prayer seems useless to me today. I no longer know where to turn. Maybe I never knew in the first place. I just don't know.
And a third, to round things off. Because everyone knows that odd numbers are more aesthetically pleasing.
I just don't know why anyone would feel the need to read this. Maybe that's not the point. I just don't know.
I just don't know what insanity drove me to create this blog today. It's 2 in the morning. And I still have assignments to finish for class tomorrow morning.
Nevertheless, tonight it has finally happened. After months of secretly admiring those whose blogs are read by strangers, knowing all along that I could never be one of them, I have finally caved. I have succumbed to the desire to publish. To put my thoughts out there for all to see, many to ignore, and a few to challenge. To become another of those mediocre bloggers whose posts no one really wants to read, and whose comment boxes fill up only out of pity.
Why tonight? Maybe it has something to do with all of what's boiling up inside of me, threatening to escape through means that are in no way appropriate. Why is it that when I most need someone to talk to, no one is around? I just don't know.
Which brings me to the next item:
I just don't know how to deal with things. What do you do when you're overwhelmed? Fear, frustration, pain, loneliness, confusion. . . they mean nothing to me tonight. I am numb. Even prayer seems useless to me today. I no longer know where to turn. Maybe I never knew in the first place. I just don't know.
And a third, to round things off. Because everyone knows that odd numbers are more aesthetically pleasing.
I just don't know why anyone would feel the need to read this. Maybe that's not the point. I just don't know.
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